How to Be Miserable

Come home from a foreign country, have a fantastic couple of days, and then get really sick in the few weeks between health insurance terms. First your throat will start to hurt; then you'll be phlegmy, your eyes will get red, and you'll lose your voice. Your ears will start to hurt from blowing your nose so much, and then the pain in your ears will escalate until you're afraid you're suffering hearing damage. Complain as much as possible, but for the most part, just sit around the house like a lump until the unbearable pain starts to subside (the kind of pain that makes you fight against coughing, crying, or any other involuntary expense of energy). Sleep at irregular hours; who cares about jet lag when you're this sick? Try every ridiculous herbal remedy suggested, since you don't have access to any prescription medications or a doctor's diagnosis, and consume enough Ricola and frozen blueberries to keep your throat from staging an all-out revolution.

After a week or so, you'll think you're almost better, and you'll go out to a restaurant. It's your first time out of the house since coming home from the airport a week ago, so you try to act like a normal person. But you're still overcome by at least one wave of uncontrollable coughing.

And then write a blog post about it so everyone knows just how miserable you are.

(I really am trying to be positive, but it's somehow cathartic to admit just how bad the past week has been.)